A Class-Driven Society

I was having a good day. Still am, really, but in going over the morning news I
happened upon a couple of articles that kind of pissed me off. So now, instead of ranting in my mind and repressing it, I'm going to let it out and rant on the Internet. Such is the joy of having a blog.
I want to get into the subject of race. The hard part is, I'm a white, middle-class protestant (I would dispute that last one, but so says society) with a college degree. Apparently, my "people" (in this sense) are somehow responsible for everything bad that has ever happened in history. Or so says popular sentiment in today's P.C. world. And really, I'm not going to dispute that assertion for the most part. Many, if not most, of the social/historical cancers that have plagued mankind have come at the hands of white, middle-to-upper-class protestant males. To name a few:

1. The Spanish Inquisition (all right, they were Catholic technically, but still white men)
2. (tie) Michael Bay movies and the Fox Network
3. Cultural and geographic imperialism
4. Slavery
5. Mayonnaise
6. The KKK
7. Sexism
8. *NSync
9. The Holocaust
10. Madonna

As horrifying as that list must surely be to you, though, does that mean I should be marginalized by association simply because of the color of my skin and my socio-economic strata? I honestly believe that the noble quest for colorblindness has rendered our society so color-conscious that we place more importance on race/gender/sexual orientation now more than ever, when the idea is to relegate it into nothingness. The sad, twisted result is that we give so much preferential treatment to so many "protected classes" and call it "promoting equality" that it has essentially become socially and legally acceptable to discriminate against the white male. At the same time, we've given license to any minority class to cry foul at their pleasure for anything at all. Take the picture above. Some say it makes black people appear King Kong-ish. Does it really? I figure it was just a famous basketball player and a hot supermodel on a magazine cover. Who would've thought?

A skit by a North Dakota State University group portrayed a white guy in blackface (playing Barack Obama) receiving lap dances from the girls from the Obamagirl YouTube videos while two cowboys did the "Brokeback Mountain" thing while holding up an Obama sign. Several students called it racist. Tasteless? Definitely. Political statement? Obviously conservative. Racist? I fail to see how.

Seriously, can you think of another class that hasn't gotten a piece of the protective-legislation pie? We have hate-crime and affirmative action laws applying to most classes these days--African American, Asian, Hispanic, Muslim, and gay, to name a few. But where's the "racist outcry" when groups of black youth in Baltimore roam the public transportation system assaulting white people? Neither of these Baltimore incidents has been classified as a "hate crime" to my knowledge, but I can guarantee you Sharpton would be marching his butt off all over Baltimore if the races had been reversed.

Then there's affirmative action. You know, that law that cost my buddy automatic acceptance to all Texas universities because his B+ average didn't get him in the top 10% of his high school class (which guarantees acceptance by legislative mandate). The law is there so that universities can fill their diversity quotas easier. In central or south Dallas, where the schools are predominantly minority populated, relative performance is often lower (not necessarily for racial reasons, but socio-economic and cultural ones too, conceivably) than it is in the predominately white suburbs. Thus, while my friend and his 3.2 GPA doesn't get that automatic ticket to UT or Texas Tech, the kid in downtown Dallas with the 2.5 GPA does. And why? Because of where he comes from? I'll admit that it's noble to try and extend a helping hand to the less privileged, give them an opportunity to break out of the cycle of poverty and what not. However, this sort of legislation definitely walks the line between helping someone out and giving them a free pass. And, from my experience in South America and Dallas, the poorer/marginalized classes often aren't willing to take the steps to break out of the cyclical lifestyles that keep them down, preferring instead to whine and moan and perversely revel in the "woe is me" refrain. Don't get me wrong--while I might not be a fan of affirmative action, I'll admit that enough bigotry still exists that some sort of stopgap is warranted. Affirmative action isn't a perfect solution, but I think it's the best we can do for now where everybody seems to be holding a grudge and whining.

An interesting development that has come of this cultural condition is the advent of the white apologist. The white apologist hates the color of his skin and constantly feels guilty for being white, and usually for being male and heterosexual as well. He feels the need to show the world that he is, indeed, extremely tolerant of everybody else by nature and principle, to the point of debasing himself.

Take, for instance, the group of Stanford law students who have begun rating law firms on the basis of diversity, assigning them grades A-F. The more diverse your firm, the better your grade. The idea here is that they won't work for you if you're not diverse enough, and they're encouraging others to do the same. So I guess it's bad if your law firm is primarily white and male, never mind the fact that the majority of law school students at every grade level are also white males. In an ideal world, the top law school graduates at every university would be a heterogeneous mix of races, sexes, and sexual orientations. The reality, however, is decidedly different, forcing law firms to either hire the best people they can find and run the risk of winding up with a bunch of white guys, making them "racist" or "intolerant" to kooks like the ones at Stanford, or possibly sacrifice quality in the name of diversity. Again, this is not to say that white guys are in any way smarter or more capable than other races/sexes. I know plenty of minorities and women who kick my butt in Con Law. For whatever reason, it just seems that most law school graduates are white males. Maybe not enough minorities apply to or finish law school. Who's fault is that? Should law firms be called out for a lack of diversity because of this?

The word "racism" has become a buzzword, a touchstone of sorts, escalating any issue and relegating white people like myself into silence. Not because we as individuals are guilty, mind you (although some admittedly are), but because we fear being labeled. People like myself have tried extremely hard to accept all kinds of diverse people--we're all human, after all, right? So some races might have stereotypical features that are different from others. Maybe they act a little differently than others do (this goes for white people too, by the way). Maybe we even crack jokes every now and then about it. That doesn't mean we hate these things. We just enjoy poking fun at absurd stereotypes, even when they're our own (by the way, if anybody has any good white jokes, I'm dying to hear one).

I am disappointed in my country, however, when everybody can openly discuss racism, sexism, and all those other "-isms," except for people like myself, even though we might often be marginalized as well. Slavery is not my fault. Sexism is not my fault. I have never committed a hate crime. I would love to be treated that way instead of relegated to silence because of my Y chromosome and the color of my skin.

Losing Our Collective Sanity

We're legitmately going insane. And by we, of course, I mean my law school classmates and I. Never in my life has any kind of extended experience (especially academic) had such an effect on myself and those around me that it manifests itself in our thought processes, personalities, and conceptions.

If you've never gone through law school, never experienced the thrill/joy/terror/demoralization that comes free with the first-year law student experience, you won't understand, ever. It's like a guy trying to comprehend childbirth, I would imagine. (Note to any feminist-types: I do not mean to compare law school to childbirth in any way. I'm sure popping out a 6-pound, raisin-looking infant is much more difficult than any conceivable male activity. Please don't kill me.) However, since I'm so benevolent (and sarcastic, apparently), allow me to attempt an explanation of such a singular sensation like going completely nuts over the course of two law school semesters.

Have you ever gotten slightly trashed, just to the point where that little part of your brain that normally says things like "hey maybe you shouldn't use your cat as a football" starts saying "feline football is the greatest idea ever?" Or, in the case of those who don't drink (myself included), have you ever just stayed up for a good 20 hours straight or so? Everything just gets really funny, common sense no longer applies, and you start to believe that the Mortal Kombat movies are cinematic masterpieces. You know, stuff like that. You're capable of anything and it seems perfectly reasonable to do whatever occurs to you at the moment.

Now imagine that feeling slowly building throughout the course of the year. At first you can separate your law school life from your outside life, so it's not too noticeable. Then you start to notice the worried expressions from friends and loved ones when you start using words like "estoppel" in every day language. You start making jokes about finders, adverse possession, and prescriptive easements and you're the only one laughing. Pretty soon you just keep it to yourself but you laugh anyway, so everyone around you thinks that you're cackling like Joan Rivers for no real reason. Your hair grows. Your beard grows. In some cases, your gut grows. Doing laundry is no longer essential. For some, hygiene goes on hiatus because, hey, you can be just as effective in class no matter how you smell. And the extra time you save might just give you more time to go over the Luten Bridge case one more time. This all seems perfectly reasonable. Normal, even.

By the end of first semester, you've devolved into something different, and winter break is there to help you realize that and accordingly snap out of it. Then it's back to class and the whole cycle begins again, only accelerated. Here's some of the stuff I'm seeing now as we wind second semester down:

My buddy Bill, who by all accounts was a pretty popular kid back in college, now prefers to spend evenings measuring straight vodka shots out of a medicine cup, while listening to smooth jazz, laughing at random YouTube videos, and pining over the girl in whatever anime happens to be on Adult Swim at the time.

This is the same kid who has had a quasi-frightening wide-eyed stare going all week, and told me that he'd like to just kick somebody in the face because, well, the week hasn't been bad at all, it's just boring and needs to be livened up a bit. So let's kick someone in the face.

I watched South Park the other night, and found myself wondering whether the situation presenting itself at the time might actually be a valid contract or not, and how and whether the UCC might apply.

Finally, today, during Constituional Law, a classmate (who I will not name but who I now respect more than ever) came in wearing pastel pink slacks, a blue and white cross pattern shirt, pink tie, navy blazer, and white crocodile loafers. This same classmate, about half an hour in and in the middle of the lecture, in full view of the entire class, stood up, worked his grove thang over to a classmate on the other side of the room, and started tossing dollar bills like he was making it rain at a strip club! He then proceeded to shake 'n bake it allllll the way back to his seat, sat down, and continued taking notes while the professor struggled to keep his train of thought from careening of the track and we all stared in disbelief. Word is he won $20 from a girl for doing it. But the fact still remains: classmate X made it rain during Con Law. And we all loved him for it.

We're all insane.

To the Ladies

Ok, so this girl I know recently asked me for some advice about how to get a guy to notice her. I was, of course, completely flattered to know that my opinion actually mattered to someone. Well, I've had a number of girls ask me similar questions lately, and I figured what I say to one, I might as well say to all. Because let's face it, as "different" as everyone is, attracting the opposite sex can usually be boiled down to a loose formula of some type. So here's what I told her, pasted here for all the world to see and either marvel at my simple yet sublime genius, or revile my utter idiocy and ignorance. Enjoy.

Ok, first of all I'll tell you what I tell every other girl i know. Confidence is hot. This cannot be overstated. That is always true in every circumstance, at least, it's true for the guys that are worth keeping. Trust me on this. If you got it, flaunt it. if you don't got it, fake it. that's categorical, no excuses. I think you're confident, but what I think doesn't matter, know what i'm sayin?

Right, so, you like this guy, he doesn't know you're interested, so you wanna change that but not come on too strong. As far as I'm concerned, if a girl is easygoing, happy, and especially pokes gentle fun at/with me, it's a good way of telling me "hey, she might like me, but I dunno, I should check this out." then bam, he's coming after you. Basically the idea is to flirt a little and pull back. You might just invite him out on a group thing, like, I dunno, a show or some other activity, sporting event, what have you. That way you have friends there and you don't have to always pay attention to him. Generally I discourage just hanging out if you're trying to get romantic, but it's fine if you're trying to get someone to notice you. You're cool, right? You know how to have a good time, don't you? So let him see that. Don't show him, let him see, see the difference? That's the gist.

Now, whether or not he takes the initiative and asks you out is completely out of your hands, and, as you know, men are too often, to put it lightly, stupid and reticent about that kind of thing for the most part. SO you might even just ask him on a date. I mean, that's what I did w/ marisa. (despite what you might think, I am most definitely NOT a master of subtlety and I don't normally play games, at least for too long. I like to get to the point, but a lot of ppl can't handle that, so I haven't had too many women come a'calling.) Sometimes we just have to accept the fact that, despite our best efforts, we can't control what other people do and whether they can get over themselves and do what we'd like.

So that's my suggestion. Let him see how cool you are outside church, pay a little attention to him, make fun of him a little bit, just have fun and freewheel some when he's around, see if he bites. If he doesn't, maybe just screw that and ask him out and if he still doesn't take the hint, toss him to the curb w/ the trash. If he's worth it, he'll come running back and ask you out, and even then he had better be freaking sincere about it. If not, then trust me, he wasn't worth it in the first place, and I'm not just saying that to make you feel better. He's not worth it if he's that stupid or if he doesn't at least reciprocate the time and effort you put in to getting him to notice you.

Lemme know what you think.
Todd

March Madness, Indeed

I always wished that I had more people to talk sports with. Growing up in Dallas, the Mavericks were a perrenial bust up until I left. The Rangers to this day still won't go after a decent pitcher (preferring instead to adopt the old and woefully incorrect "St. Louis Rams" maxim that the best defense is, indeed, a monstrous offense), leading to their descent into perpetual losing and the accompanying mediocrity. The Cowboys won their Super Bowls, of course, but I was still in grade school at the time and was more concerned with how high I could swing on the gargantuan swingset or whether mom finally packed some kind of dessert for lunch that day.
The situation at BYU wasn't much different. Sure, I had a couple friends that kept up with sports like I did, but I didn't get to see them as often as I would have liked, and they were usually busy playing World of Warcraft anyway (what a terrible, horrible game, by the way). The disappointing thing was that we had a great football team, especially after we fired that moron Gary Crowton and put Bronco "The Savior" Mendenhall in his place. The men's volleyball, lacrosse, and rugby teams were almost annual title contenders, and our men's soccer team was so freaking good that it decided it was done with the childish world of NCAA soccer after winning six of the last ten NCAA championships, preferring instead to make the jump to the pros. The basketball team wasn't too shabby either, although as the last two years will ably show, they choke under the bright lights. You'd think, with all this, more people would be into sports in general. However, you would be mistaken. Most sports conversations I had with my fellow BYU-ites went as follows:

Me: "Hey, did you see the [instert team] game last night? [Insert star player here] went nuts on their [defense/offense], [talk about the long-term implications].
BYU-ite: "Um, I don't really follow [insert sport]. I prefer to go on themed group dates because I'm afraid of actual monogamous committment, and I spend the rest of my time acting pious and listening to church leaders tell me that I should get over my fear of actual monogamous committment and get married before I get too pent up and start fornicating. Want to go to devotional?"

So, after that long and quasi-pointless setup, I come to my main point. I finally live in a town where sports actually matter. Beantown is a great place for a sports nut, even if you hate the Red Sox, Celtics, or Patriots (unless you like the Yankees or the Giants, in which case it would be safer for you in Baghdad or Kosovo at this point). So March Madness finally rolled around and I'm pleased to report that it finally lived up to its name. I've made multiple brackets, all of which are failing miserably. I spent the four-day weekend watching a LOT of college basketball, eating unhealthy food, and playing a lot of Madden '08 with the guys in between games and debates about bracket methodology and horrible officiating. And did I mention the lack of sleep only makes things more fun? I mean, Friday at the Cask 'n Flagon was a riot on 4 hours of sleep, and I don't even drink like everyone else who was there. Plus I have a wicked funny cell phone video of one guy bodyslamming another while both were in a drunken frenzy of laughter. People are still laughing over that one.
In any event, the past weekend really exemplified why I love sports so much--it's not so much the game itself, as entertaining as it is. It's the bonding aspect of sports, that quality that brings people together and helps them create lasting memories and friendships.

Two Roads Diverged in a Wood...

So some of you may have noticed that my latest post is magically no longer here. That's the beauty of having a blog, I can do stuff like that. Anyway, I heard what I wrote was getting fair circulation. I didn't think people actually read my blog that much, but, I guess they have. So, do I keep the post up and inadvertently add to the drama that I'm already sick of? Or do I take it down and look to some as though I'm backing down from my beliefs? Well, in this case, as right or fair as I think I was in this particular instance, I don't want to risk any drama or backlash. This is law school, not high school, after all. If that's a sign of weakness, fine, call me a wuss. It's just not worth it to me. And thanks to Drew for letting me know it was getting around.