Chump Change We Can Believe In

So, while I was busy getting married and escaping the blizzards in Boston and Utah, you may have noticed that there was a lot of buzz about a certain black dude winning some popularity contest and becoming one of the most powerful people in America. (Speaking of blizzards, I wonder why people are even talking about global "warming" right now because I'd sure like to have some of that here in Boston. Seriously, just a little bit of warmth. My spit freezes before it hits the ground and I can count the temperature on my freezing, blue hands. Please, I don't ask for much.) The amazing thing is, this guy didn't win American Idol. No, he became our president. And so, while the likes of Stevie Wonder and the Jonas Brothers sang on in the background, Barack Hussein Obama was sworn in as our 44th president in front of tens of thousands of people.

Here's my question: I understand the need for security, given the record crowds, the terrorist times we live in, and the fact that some supremacist nut with a mullet and a rifle might try to off the guy during the proceedings. And I understand the fact that a logistical nightmare such as this must incur some heavy cost. But really, $170 million? That's ABC News' tally of the total, but since I'm leery of CNN, MSNBC, and FOX, I figure ABC is the best estimate. Do you realize how much that is?

We're in the worst recession in over two decades, we're fighting two wars, just bailed out the financial and auto industries, but you want $170 mil for a party? Sure, sounds like a swell idea! We'll just print up some more for you along with the rest of the bailout money!

The funny thing to me is that the same people who were all for this little shindig are the ones who slammed Dubya for spending a meager $40 mil for his second inauguration. The Associated Press and New York Times both questioned the wisdom of spending that much when it could be used to armor vehicles in Iraq and what not. But now, especially since that our economy is in the crapper, where's the outcry over $170 million? That's FOUR TIMES MORE than Bush's hootenanny. Now? No matter. People don't want to hear it. It's not vogue to bash on Obama the way it was to bash on Bush. It doesn't sell. So the media glosses over it. Or even better, they justify it by saying it's a landmark in history, and people need a big party like this to get them fired up and positive again. Maybe I'll tell that to the bank when I'm hopelessly behind on my law school loan payments.

"Look, I know I'm in deep with you guys, but I'm just so downtrodden and hopeless! And I just became a lawyer! I know if you'll just give me another $15 thousand on top of what I owe, that will fire me up like no other! Come on, it's a life-changing event for me!" You're the banker--does this sound like a good investment? Or do you smack me across the face and take everything I own?

Also, I wonder how many white-bread conservatives were disappointed that Obama used a Bible at his swearing-in ceremony. Remember those ridiculous rumors that went swirling around that Obama wasn't going to swear on the Bible, or even that he'd use a Q'ran in its place? Remember all the fear that struck into the Christian conservatives and the anti-Muslims out there? He won't use the Bible! That means he's not fit to be president! He's a terrorist! Look, as a guy who threw in the towel and marked down Ron Paul on his ballot, I feel like I can say this: the kinds of outrageous theories and conclusions both parties floated out to the public in their shameless votemongering efforts floored me on so many levels. First, that someone has the audacity to think that sort of crap will actually work in the U.S. makes my head spin. And when I realize that it actually worked on a lot of people, I...I don't know what to say. I can't even make a joke there, it's...it's just too insane.

Was it a historic day? Sure, our first minority is president. Wonderful. But aren't the comparisons to God a little much here, people? I mean, really, what's actually going to change? Race relations? Not so long as Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are allowed to roam freely. The economy? Last I checked, a president's race doesn't weigh too heavily on our Gross National Product. Remember all those wonderful promises Obama made? I'm pretty sure he was referring to those promises when he said less than a month ago that "some promises will have to be delayed." Oh, really? Our government is falling into so much debt that you can't cut taxes like you promised to? Wow, sure didn't see that one coming!

While I'm sure Dr. King must be smiling in his grave, and while Obama's election surely serves as an example of how far we've come since the dog-and-hose days of the civil rights movement, I don't see how that really affects the average American right now. Race and history do not cut taxes, get our troops out of Iraq, stabilize the job and housing markets, repair our damaged international image, or put more money in our pockets. I like Obama as much as the next guy, but I think this whole thing has been blown out of proportion, even as historically significant as it concededly is.